An Unusual Request Via Email

Subject line in email:

snippet; may need to have you sin...

It’s out. Now that everyone knows I’m rebellious and, therefore, a sinner, they want my services. I wish they wouldn’t ask me through email, though, because that stuff is traceable. I prefer to sin offline where it is harder to detect. When I run a yellow light (a grievous sin if ever there was one), I don’t want it easy to track me down.

But since I’m just starting out on my road to egregious sinning (I drive barefoot all the time, with my shoes clandestinely set to the side on the floorboard in a place where I can quickly put them on if I’m pulled over), I take the sinning jobs when I can.

I dared to open the email.

text; may need to have you sing something for me

Well! That is something completely different! Dangit, I soooo wanted a sinning job. But a singing job will do. Except…

I opened the attachment, expecting to see a music score. Instead, I saw a contract!! A CONTRACT!!! He wanted me to SING A CONTRACT!


I remember an anecdote where Ray Bradbury (I believe) walked into his publisher’s office and sang his contract because that’s what they asked him to do in the letter they sent him (this was before email), then he left. I’ve always wanted to do that. Now I have the opportunity. I get to SING A CONTRACT! Just like Ray Bradbury!

The downside is that of late I’m not in good voice. It has been a long time since I’ve sung, and although I’m not half bad, I’m also not half good.

So I asked my friend, who is a tenor extraodinaire, if he would coach me. He lives in Kentucky so I had to get on this right away if I was to be in good voice by morning.

Searching for a Voice Instructor

I practiced all night — mostly in my dreams.

Me singing

♯♫ ♫ ♪ ♫ ♯♪ ♪

The next day, I got a phone call.

“Please fax the signed contract to…..”

What?? How can I sing through a fax machine??? This is ridiculous.


On the bright side, I didn’t have to sin.


About Dezra Despain

Life is full of stories waiting to be revealed.

Posted on July 28, 2012, in Musings and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink. 14 Comments.

  1. Take heart. You will be singing to sinners.

  2. Love the piece of Ray Bradbury history–and I believe I remember the same anecdote. I was very impressed when I read it, too. And as for singing the contract–I’m reminded of the starving African tribe who, in desperation, put out a large pan of their home brew to see what might make itself available to fill their cooking pot. A local lioness had a few young, but large cubs, and one of them wandered close to the village, smelled the tempting beverage, drank its fill, and staggered into the village, whereupon they were able to dispatch it quickly and make a grand stew. And they were able to dine on the sotted lion.

    • I’m beginning to believe it was actually Isaac Asimov who sang the contract (I always mixed up the two). As I researched this online, I noted that Asimov has more “song” references and actually liked to sing, whereas there was nothing about song and singing connected to Bradbury. If I find the anecdote, I will verify and update.

  3. Love your humor, Dezra. Cleverly written!

  4. At least you weren’t being asked to singe anything

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