Come Alive! #trust30

Life wastes itself while we are preparing to live. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

If you had one week left to live, would you still be doing what you’re doing now? In what areas of your life are you preparing to live? Take them off your To Do list and add them to a To Stop list. Resolve to only do what makes you come alive.

I am most alive when I am surrounded by beauty–especially beauty with meaning attached to it. I am a creative person; I design by day and…well…I used to do a lot of creative things by night; photography, paint, collage, write, design. But for the last year I have denied myself the pleasure of beauty and the joy of creativity. Work took a turn for the worst and I let it get to me. At work I used to surround myself with personal items pregnant with meaning; a bird’s nest I found by my front door which I filled with tiny heart-shaped rocks I found on a beach, photos that I took on the Bourbon Trail the weekend I impulsively kept driving south until I hit Kentucky and the trail, big solid-colored canvases I used as backdrops for lilies, and much more. But the politics of work became unbearable and I was thrust into a public space so I took everything home–in a snit. And I haven’t brought anything back.

It has been a year of self-reflection for me, though. What I discovered that I did not know before is that I die in my soul every day that I face the cold greige** of my cubicle. It’s not the work that drains me, it’s the lack of beauty.

Cubicle Greige

Even before this Come Alive  prompt came up for the 30-day writing challenge, I had learned how scorched my soul has been at work. I can’t bring back the items I took away because they have new homes. But I can start new and I’ve been re-examining my work space to determine what I can do under the circumstances.

I wanted to write about something profound in regards to this topic. But the truth is, I have learned more about life wasting away through the teachings of my dry, cubicles walls than I have by my longing to be in Greece, as my friend, Katherine, is or by my desire of devoting my time to full-time photography as my friend, Zach, devotes his time to videography and the theater.

I really don’t have to look far to begin the process of living–just to the greige of my cubicle.

(**aww man! I thought greige was a blend of gray and beige. But it really means “being in an unbleached undyed state as taken from a loom —used of textiles” (Miriam-Webster.com). Well, I’m twisting the meaning and attributing it to the non-color that runs rampant through cubicle world. Greige sounds like a cubicle. Really.)

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About Dezra Despain

Life is full of stories waiting to be revealed.

Posted on June 6, 2011, in Musings. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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