An Unusual Request Via Email
Subject line in email:
It’s out. Now that everyone knows I’m rebellious and, therefore, a sinner, they want my services. I wish they wouldn’t ask me through email, though, because that stuff is traceable. I prefer to sin offline where it is harder to detect. When I run a yellow light (a grievous sin if ever there was one), I don’t want it easy to track me down.
But since I’m just starting out on my road to egregious sinning (I drive barefoot all the time, with my shoes clandestinely set to the side on the floorboard in a place where I can quickly put them on if I’m pulled over), I take the sinning jobs when I can.
I dared to open the email.
Well! That is something completely different! Dangit, I soooo wanted a sinning job. But a singing job will do. Except…
I opened the attachment, expecting to see a music score. Instead, I saw a contract!! A CONTRACT!!! He wanted me to SING A CONTRACT!
Woohoo?
I remember an anecdote where Ray Bradbury (I believe) walked into his publisher’s office and sang his contract because that’s what they asked him to do in the letter they sent him (this was before email), then he left. I’ve always wanted to do that. Now I have the opportunity. I get to SING A CONTRACT! Just like Ray Bradbury!
The downside is that of late I’m not in good voice. It has been a long time since I’ve sung, and although I’m not half bad, I’m also not half good.
So I asked my friend, who is a tenor extraodinaire, if he would coach me. He lives in Kentucky so I had to get on this right away if I was to be in good voice by morning.
I practiced all night — mostly in my dreams.
♯♫ ♫ ♪ ♫ ♯♪ ♪
The next day, I got a phone call.
“Please fax the signed contract to…..”
What?? How can I sing through a fax machine??? This is ridiculous.
Sigh.
On the bright side, I didn’t have to sin.
229-233/365 A 5 Day Wrap Up
This was one of those weeks I decided to cut back on daily posting and go with an end-of-week post. I’m running out of steam and need to rejuvenate somehow.
229/365 It rained during the night, leaving raindrops in the half-empty wine glass the next morning.
230/365 This is at MacNiven’s, one of my favorite bars on Mass Ave.
231/365 Hard shadows and bright highlights. That’s what this photo is all about. And green. It’s about green, also. Crown Hill Cemetery, Indianapolis, IN
232/365 Sometimes it’s all about the humor.
233/365 This is another “deliberately bad photo.” I was going for double exposure…I think. Whatever it was, I succeeded.
225/365 Come, Sit on the Freeway and Watch the Cars Go By
225/365
Three days pass. For three days I drive by this chair. It sits alone on the side of the freeway and waits. I want to photograph it, but I’m surrounded by cars of people trying to get home after a long day at work.
On a slow Sunday, I stop across from it. I put on my emergency blinkers and hope Indy police doesn’t stop and have a talk with me. Between flashes of cars, trucks, and semi’s I capture the loneliness of the chair on a deserted freeway.
Who put it there? Someone must have put it there. It didn’t just fall off a moving van and land upright on its broken legs off to the side of the freeway. I’m sure it’s abandoned.
The next day I drive by and it’s gone.
122/365 Wheeee!
122/365
“Wheeeee!” It’s a mouse. And it’s happy because spring is almost here, so it can forage through grass and dig in the softened mud for seeds. Yay spring!
118/365 Many Reflections
Europe, I thought. Belgium. Brussels. I remember that Rue just down from the Grande Place somewhere. I remember the corner triangle, the old buildings, even the Smart cars. There were Smart cars in Belgium long before there were Smart cars in the USA. Yes, I remember. Such a lovely, old city. Except…
118/365 No. 1
…it’s not Brussels. It’s downtown Indianapolis. And those aren’t Smart cars. They’re normal cars. But…???
I’ll tell you my favorite downtown photography secret. Shhhh. *Indianapolis Power and Light* (IPL). Seriously. If you go downtown, go to IPL on Monument Circle and look in their windows and at their mirrors. You will be amazed at the variety of photographic opportunities you’ll find there.
118/365 No. 2
Look! It’s Loomis-Fargo & Co., armored transport for all your security needs. I’d trust my money to it. It’s so cute! And, as we all know, cute is important when you need armored transport.
118/365 No. 3
Besides for the fun-house mirrors, IPL also has these beautiful colored mirrors inside the building viewable through picture-glass windows. They make for great abstract images as you can see with the above photo. Yesterday’s post was of a photo taken through the window looking into a round, green mirror.
118/365 No. 4
I left Monument Circle and, being chilled because, after all, it was February, I went to Starbucks on Ohio Street. I ordered a grande, no whip, white peppermint mocha and sat at the long table facing the street. As I warmed up and sipped my coffee, I noticed the reflections in the windows of the building across the street.
118/365 No. 5
After a while, I turned inward to think about, oh, I don’t know, whatever was on my mind at the time. That’s when I noticed the reflection of my hand in the window. A single ring graced my finger. I took it off and placed it on the countertop.
I’m fascinated by mirrors and reflections. A lot of my photography incorporates them. It’s because I see life through reflections. I don’t see it clearly. Sometimes, though, I wish I did.
Makes You Wonder! Land
This time of year is a visual delight. People go all out in decorating their homes with lights so that the night dazzles.
When I was a child, I loved the night dad announced, “Let’s go look at Christmas lights!” My siblings and I rushed to bundle up in our winter coats and ran out to the old Buick. I loved driving in the cold with mittens on my hands, snuggled in the back seat with my brothers. We frosted up the windows with our breath as we searched out some of the most beautiful (and probably outrageous) Christmas lights. Dad always knew where to go. My eyes grew big as we slowed down and passed by the colorful lights strung around eaves and windows and wrapped around trees. We especially ooh’d and ah’d when we’d see deer ‘grazing’ on the lawn. What a delight! They weren’t lit up back then like they are now and were rather scarce, so it was always a treat to “catch” sightings of deer on the lawns.
Once we exhausted all the decorated houses, we then went home where my mom turned on the stove and heated up milk for hot chocolate (this was also pre-microwave era).
A dragon?!
I carried on the tradition with my kids. We wrapped ourselves up and drove around town at night to see how others decorated their homes. Many times we ended at a park where we drove slowly along the winding roads and marveled at the twinkling outlines of moving Santas and “flying” reindeer, at the green lights of the Grinch smiling his grinchy smile, and at the simple glow of the Nativity in the dark night. There was even a dragon at one park!
Nighttime is magical at this time of year. I love it tremendously!
But then something happened. Someone came up with new decorations, decorations that were clunky and tacky and unsophisticated. Decorations that took their cue from the rounded, colorful, and safe baby toys. The inflatable lawn decoration was born. At first I shrugged it off, thinking they would go away. But over the past couple of years they have been taking over, like a fungus.
Make it stop!
I ignored them until one day while driving, I was assaulted by a slew of these things stuffed into the backyard of a house. (The backyard faced the road.) I travel by this place constantly and every time I pass by I wrinkle my nose and shake my head. Then I smile. Whatever possessed them? Finally, I had to document the absurdity of this place, so I stopped and took photos. These photos don’t do it justice. These photos look small, but the house is actually large and these things are enormous.
Enough already!
Curious, I drove into the subdivision looking for the front of the house. I wasn’t disappointed. I stopped my car, grabbed my camera, rolled down my window, and…well, I had to wait while a car drove past before I took the photo. Aaack!!! That car drove into the driveway! I debated about taking photos with the owner knowing I was stationed in my car with a camera, but the debate was short-lived. I figured since they put that crap out for public display, I can take a photo of it. I wondered what they thought of me sitting in my car, grinning, and taking photos. It didn’t matter. I snapped away.
Why???
Later, ON THE SAME DAY, I passed by THIS place! I turned onto a side road across the street and noticed that a couple of other cars did the same thing. I pulled over, the other cars made u-turns. I pulled out my camera, the other cars turned back onto the main road and drove back by the house s l o w l y. Yep, others were just as dumbfounded as I was. I got out of the car and tried to find a decent angle to take a photograph (I wish I had my wide-angle camera with me!) As I did, more cars drove by, slowing down. I was curious. Were they impressed or amused? I saw one woman stifle a laugh as she drove by. Amused. We looked at each other and grinned.
I am not a woman of excess. Too much clutter makes me nervous; I can’t focus on what’s important and therefore I don’t focus at all. My stylistic tastes are different. So when I see things like this, I turn…no…run away. But then I smile, because oddly enough, it lightens the moment. Laughter does that. And so, even though I am glad I do not live next door to these folks, I do appreciate the smile on my face every time I pass by their stuffed yard. But I still hope that one day it will all go away.
I Must Find A Professional Wrestler By Friday. My Horoscope Says So.
The Onion made it very clear that I will have a favorite professional wrestler by Friday. (I’m a Leo.) That’s TWO DAYS away! I am panicking because I DON’T KNOW WHAT A PROFESSIONAL WRESTLER IS.
Haha. Just kidding. I know what they are. Every child knows this.
Batista
But I don’t have a favorite wrestler and it is imperative that I have one by Friday. Because the ONION SAID SO.
A Facebook friend suggested The Rock. Yeah. He’s something. But, well, I know of The Rock and because he hasn’t become my favorite by now, why would he become my favorite by Friday?
The ROCK
So I kept looking. Google Images kept me entertained. I considered this guy because he wears clothes like what my kids wore when they were in middle school:
Bam Bam Bigelow
But that was a decade ago and he hasn’t caught up with the times.
Back again to Google Images. I liked this guy…
John Cena
…until I realized it was only because I like Gloria Gaynor’s “I Will Survive.” Back to Google Images.
It wasn’t until I got to the third page that Google Images suggested a complete 180* (the asterisk is supposed to be a degree sign) and showed me:
Chigusa Nagayo
So I considered female wrestlers. But, like The Rock, I hadn’t developed a favorite female wrestler by now, so how can I possibly expect to develop one by Friday??? That’s, like, two days away! I guess I can spend the next two days researching and watching YouTube videos and spamming friends with pleas to help me because the ONION SAID I WOULD HAVE A FAVORITE PROFESSIONAL WRESTLER by Friday. But I have more important things to do, like take out the trash and leave the apartment and sit on my Rapture Balcony.
Then it hit me like a punch to the solar plexus, like a bash to the left cheekbone (um, mixing metaphors, this isn’t boxing, sorry); like a half nelson, a full nelson, a Willie Nelso…. uh…all those nelson holds. I DO have a favorite professional wrestler. I have loved this guy for years. And I dare anyone challenge me…
Andre the Giant
…because I’ll wrestle you until you’re blue in the face. “I could kill you now.” Sportsmanlike.
(Originally posted as a Note on my Facebook page.)
Things That Make Me Happy: Humor
I woke up this morning, poured my coffee, and grabbed a….oh no! What is this? My bananas! They’re TALKING TO ME!
They must have had too much to drink!
Too much of that Appletini, I see.
Sneaky. Trying to deflect me by putting me on to the "peeches"
Now they've gone too far.
Who's hurting now, huh? Huh? HUH?
Oh, yeah, that's what I mean.
Don't get between me and my computer
People are afraid of bananas and I get that. Bananas hang out in gangs. They wear near bullet-proof outer layers. And when you get wild and bite into them without peeling them, they are nasty. But I’m not afraid of them. I don’t care how much they’ve had to drink. I don’t care how threatening they become. Bananas are really very yellow. Keep that in mind the next time you walk into their ‘hood in the grocery store. Then pick a bunch. And grab some “peeches” while you’re at it because peaches don’t talk back. At least, not that I know of. I’ll find out tomorrow….
(Banana idea inspired by The Bloggess.)
